- heightened sense of awareness and restlessness - overwhelming spring fever - feel i might start seeing dead people soon. is it possible to be so in tune with the universe?
note: if i were so in tune with entire universe perhaps i could sense lost and lonely Marni dresses at far away op shops in need of rescuing? investigate new sixth sense.
- in enormous show of restraint, put new season Viktor + Rolf dress on layby, intention being i would it off in time for Christmas parties. in enormous show of greed, collected dress following lunchtime. always did think layby was the fashion equivalent of masochism.
- every season it happens to all of them. like an aging spinster, the humble colour goes through a mid-life crisis and thinks it has to reinvent itself in order to become more attractive. grey becomes moccasin. white becomes snow. beige becomes conch. and green goes to fern, naturally. right now there's probably some six-year-old in the suburbs whining to the teacher because she's all out of Hermes fingerpaint.
- fashion can also be downright evil. take the playsuit, for instance. is the distance from shoulders to possum standard across all women? i think not. one girl's comfort zone is another's camel toe. so when faced with a friend in a change room asking if the playsuit is splitting a most valuable asset apart, keep your eyes up, take a deep breath and blame the designer.
- unlike some people, spring for me is not all about racing. not because i don't appreciate a nice flute of bubbly, but because people seem to behave so badly at the races. for reasons beyond comprehension, during the Spring Racing Carnival it is deemed acceptable to start on the cheap sparkling at nine a.m. and wear far too few clothes in so-so spring weather or, alternatively, acquire lobster-red sunburn - a symptom of being totally moronic and maggoted at the same time. all this before passing out under a pile of coats somewhere. oh, and let's not forget the obsession with the fascinator. a stupid bit of fashion if i ever saw one - the only blessing being that you can only see one bleary eye of the sauced-up bogan wearing it.
- with every evil intention comes an equally evil by-product. nuclear weapon = nuclear fallout. Russell Crowe actor = Russell Crowe singer. Krispy Kreme doughnut = Krispy Kreme thighs. low-cut hipster jeans = lower-back tattoo.
just like nuclear fallout, the lower-back tattoo (or 'tramp stamp' as it's so eloquently referred to) has infiltrated our society to the point of no return, leaving hideously deformed victims around every corner. everywhere i look these days i'm confronted with dragons, bats and butterflies..all of which appear to be either entering or escaping some type of cave.
- positions vacant: g-string. must be willing to work in tight spaces. ideal first job for those prepared to work from the bottom up.
- think about why bears do what they do, and see if any possibility of humans getting any of that sweet hibernating action.
- oh deer, there are currently over 1.5 million web pages that feature or reference a deer brooch.
fashion vermin: noun. a once-cute animal that has become far too popular for its own good by infiltrating everything from t-shirts, earrings, brooches, knickers, logos, leggings, and every other conceivable piece of fashion fodder. recent additions to the not-so-endangered species list include bluebirds, owls, squirrels, bunnies and most common of all, the deer.
- think about whether mentally strong enough to go jeans shopping while sober.'
- Chloe Quigley + Daniel Pollock - Like I Give a Frock
note: if i were so in tune with entire universe perhaps i could sense lost and lonely Marni dresses at far away op shops in need of rescuing? investigate new sixth sense.
- in enormous show of restraint, put new season Viktor + Rolf dress on layby, intention being i would it off in time for Christmas parties. in enormous show of greed, collected dress following lunchtime. always did think layby was the fashion equivalent of masochism.
- every season it happens to all of them. like an aging spinster, the humble colour goes through a mid-life crisis and thinks it has to reinvent itself in order to become more attractive. grey becomes moccasin. white becomes snow. beige becomes conch. and green goes to fern, naturally. right now there's probably some six-year-old in the suburbs whining to the teacher because she's all out of Hermes fingerpaint.
- fashion can also be downright evil. take the playsuit, for instance. is the distance from shoulders to possum standard across all women? i think not. one girl's comfort zone is another's camel toe. so when faced with a friend in a change room asking if the playsuit is splitting a most valuable asset apart, keep your eyes up, take a deep breath and blame the designer.
- unlike some people, spring for me is not all about racing. not because i don't appreciate a nice flute of bubbly, but because people seem to behave so badly at the races. for reasons beyond comprehension, during the Spring Racing Carnival it is deemed acceptable to start on the cheap sparkling at nine a.m. and wear far too few clothes in so-so spring weather or, alternatively, acquire lobster-red sunburn - a symptom of being totally moronic and maggoted at the same time. all this before passing out under a pile of coats somewhere. oh, and let's not forget the obsession with the fascinator. a stupid bit of fashion if i ever saw one - the only blessing being that you can only see one bleary eye of the sauced-up bogan wearing it.
- with every evil intention comes an equally evil by-product. nuclear weapon = nuclear fallout. Russell Crowe actor = Russell Crowe singer. Krispy Kreme doughnut = Krispy Kreme thighs. low-cut hipster jeans = lower-back tattoo.
just like nuclear fallout, the lower-back tattoo (or 'tramp stamp' as it's so eloquently referred to) has infiltrated our society to the point of no return, leaving hideously deformed victims around every corner. everywhere i look these days i'm confronted with dragons, bats and butterflies..all of which appear to be either entering or escaping some type of cave.
- positions vacant: g-string. must be willing to work in tight spaces. ideal first job for those prepared to work from the bottom up.
- think about why bears do what they do, and see if any possibility of humans getting any of that sweet hibernating action.
- oh deer, there are currently over 1.5 million web pages that feature or reference a deer brooch.
fashion vermin: noun. a once-cute animal that has become far too popular for its own good by infiltrating everything from t-shirts, earrings, brooches, knickers, logos, leggings, and every other conceivable piece of fashion fodder. recent additions to the not-so-endangered species list include bluebirds, owls, squirrels, bunnies and most common of all, the deer.
- think about whether mentally strong enough to go jeans shopping while sober.'
- Chloe Quigley + Daniel Pollock - Like I Give a Frock
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